When He's Not in the Mood...Tips For dealing With Your Partner's Waning Libido

I will never forget the first time my husband rejected my sexual advances. He hadn’t been in the mood lately so I slid my naked body into bed next to him and began to make my move. He began laughing, pushed me away and asked me what the heck I was doing! I was devastated and humiliated. Thinking he may have just been stressed or tired, I attempted to seduce him again a couple of weeks later. This time, I went all out and dressed in a silky baby doll nighty. I curled up next to him on the sofa and purred like a kitten while I whispered naughty things into his ear. Again, I was humiliated when he pulled away from me asked me why I was all dressed up.

I had always been under the impression that the male was supposed to be the sexual powerhouse, the one in the relationship who was insatiable. The woman was supposed to be the one turning down sex, that’s the way it had always been portrayed in books and on television! I was confused, sad and angry. My husband and I began fighting about sex every weekend and I would find myself retreating to the sofa and resorting to self pleasure.

It took dozens of arguments and literally years before my husband and I came to an agreement about our sex life. I made many mistakes along the way and hope that if you find yourself in this situation, you can learn from my experiences and resolve things more quickly and a lot less painfully.

If your husband rejects your sexual advances, don’t jump to conclusions. Unless you find a motel receipt, used condom and a thong in his car, he’s most likely not cheating. I immediately blamed myself and began crying hysterically that I was no longer pretty, sexy or desirable. I accused my husband of cheating, intentionally hurting me and yes, once, I actually accused him of being gay. If your man’s change in moods is something new, give it time as he may possibly be stressed out or simply not in the mood. If this is something that has been going on for a while, it is definitely time to explore other avenues and discover why he’s not in the mood.

It’s natural for a relationship to progress to some level of comfort. Sometimes your man may feel as if he no longer needs to try so hard to “conquer” you and therefore isn’t the sexual animal he used to be. There is also the possibility that he may have become somewhat bored with the routine. Try spicing things up by pulling him into the bathroom for a quickie, playing a sexy game or trying a bedroom toy or potion. You could also try role playing, going out on a date or simply having sex in other rooms of the house. The idea is to stir things up in order to excite and stimulate both of your libidos while breaking out of the mundane routines.

If you have a raging libido, as it was in my case, your man may feel as if he’s no longer in the driver’s seat. Some men feel the need to be the initiator when it comes to sex and may feel less masculine when you’re climbing all over him. Or, as it was with myself and my husband, he may be overwhelmed by your high sex drive and simply isn’t in the mood as often as you’d like. I nicknamed this “candy store syndrome”, because when you get all the free candy you can possibly eat, you lose your appetite for it after a while! Try stepping back a bit and allowing him to take control again. Stifling your own sex drive is frustrating and may seem unfair, but it’s a small price to pay to get your sex life back on track.

Are you finding yourselves in the mood but at different times and just can’t seem to get your libidos to jive? Negotiate and see if you can come to a happy medium. If you want sex 4 days a week and he is only interested in sex once every two weeks, see if you can make a standing date every Saturday and stick to it. Making the date will not only assure you get to have sex with your husband, but it will create anticipation. In the meantime give him little peeks of what’s to come over the weekend. Wear one of his shirts around the house, with nothing underneath. Offer him a massage or to wash his back when he showers. Cuddle up next to him while watching television and when you go to bed. You never know, you may get more than one intimate romp that week!

If, after trying some of the above suggestions, it seems he isn’t responding, you need to sit down and have a serious talk outside the bedroom. Express your feelings to him without making him feel guilty and see if you can get to the bottom of his waning libido. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him be in the mood more often. This in itself will play into his “fix it” mentality and may help immensely.

There may also be a physical reason for his lack of libido and a routine check-up with your family doctor may be in order. High blood pressure, diabetes, depression, medications and other things can cause symptoms relating to mood and sexual performance and should not be overlooked. It doesn’t hurt to be cautious when it comes to your partner’s health.

If all attempts to remedy the situation are failing and it is putting undue strain on your relationship, please seek professional counseling. You can find a reputable family counselor at a nearby mental health center, through a referral from your family physician or at your church. Talking about sex to a stranger isn’t comfortable or appealing to anyone, but if you value your relationship, it’s a good idea to give it a try.

Finally, every effort should be made not to obsess over the situation and let it effect the core relationship with your partner. Do activities the two of you enjoy together that are not related to sex. Play cards, enjoy a movie or cook a meal together. It is also crucial for you to remember that this isn’t your fault .It is important that you take care of yourself and not let the situation effect your self esteem. Pamper yourself, work out, buy a sexy new outfit or just talk to a close friend. Never forget that you are still a beautiful and desirable woman!

*Originally Published on Club Mom Inc

Doing The Deed, Part 2...The Secret Revealed

As promised, here is part two of my series on fellatio. In part one, I talked about the basics and some products to help things along a bit. But now for the technical part! Ah yes, let's discuss the mechanics of it all.....what to do, what not to do....and of course, the big SECRET. The one thing that will have him melting in the palm of your hand!

BE HANDS ON

Giving your partner oral pleasure doesn't mean you only need to use your mouth. Using your hands can greatly enhance the experience for him!

Stroking him and fondling his testicles while you pleasure him, gives him several sensations at one time. You can also make him more sensitive by encircling his penis in your fist and sliding your hand down to the base of the penis and holding it there, applying gentle pleasure. Your hand is acting like a c-ring, pulling back excess skin and slowing down blood flow which results in the penis becoming more rigid and the head of the penis much more sensitive. Holding this position for too long, however, can delay ejaculation. So unless your in it for the marathon, cramp-in-the-jaw and numb lips, you may want to alternate this technique with stroking and fondling.

BEDROOM EYES

I know you may feel silly doing this, but merely looking up at him while you are giving him oral pleasure will make him crazy. Many men enjoy watching their partner pleasure them (remember ladies, men are extremely visual creatures, you never look silly to them!) and it adds to their arousal. Just keep in mind to give him the bedroom eyes early on in the act...if you wait too long, his eyes will be closed tight and he'll be on another planet!

VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

As I mentioned before, using your hands and switching things up, provides him with many different delicious sensations. You can also add to his pleasure by using your tongue, moving in different directions (up and down is good, using a circular motion is good too!) Use a twisting motion with your hands, make circles with your tongue, trace his entire length gently with your finger or tongue and pay close attention to his verbal cues. He'll let you know what feels the best.

You can also give him more unique sensations by sucking on ice or mints beforehand, filling your mouth with bubbling champagne or by using an enhancement gel or flavored lubricant (as mentioned in part one)

THAT'S THE SPOT

Everyone has a frenulem....it's that little piece of skin under our tongues. Men have two...the second being a bit further south. I like to call that sweet little bundle of sensation, "The F Spot." You'll see the little piece of skin at the head of the penis just where the upside down "V" shape meets the shaft. Pay very close attention to the little spot ladies! It contains a lot of wonderful nerve endings that can be as sensitive to him as your clitoris is to you!

Use the c-ring technique I explained earlier and use the thumb of your other hand to stimulate his F spot, running the length of the skin or in a massaging, circular motion. You can also stimulate the spot with your mouth and tongue. Stimulating this spot is much easier using the c-ring hold, since the F spot is on the underside of his penis. Remember, again, to pay close attention to his verbal and physical cues....this spot can sometimes be far too sensitive for some men and you may need to pace yourself, or back off completely.

THE PART WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

Yes, I'm gonna go there.....someone has to! I'm just going to spit it out (no pun intended)...let's talk about swallowing. Some women do, some do it once in a while and some of us just gag at the mere thought. But I'm here to tell you, it's not required. Nope.....not at all. You're not going to lose your "wife/girlfriend of the year" badge or the "Kotex Real Women's Club" decoder ring! If you do swallow, great! If not, don't sweat it!

Though you are pleasuring him, swallowing still involves your body, and your body=your decision. And you wanna know something, 99% of men don't notice whether or not you swallow, nor do they care! But for those men in the 1%, there are ways around it simply by bringing him to climax with your hands (Remember that F spot!) or asking him (in your sexiest voice) to put it elsewhere. Hopefully, you get my drift without me having to use the terms for it. There's no need to something you prefer not to do, just be sure his trip to the end is an amazing ride!

THE BIG SECRET

You've been waiting on it, and some of you probably scrolled to the bottom of the blog right off the bat! But I'm here to give you the biggest secret to providing your partner with the absolute best oral sex he's ever had! He will think you're a Goddess! He'll marvel at your talent! He'll brag to his friends.......(or make your talent the biggest secret he's ever kept)

The big secret has nothing to do with technique, the magic of an amazing new product or even how good you are! It's simple....so simple, in fact, that you may not believe me....you may walk away from my blog thinking I'm full of it....but trust me.

The secret to the best fellatio he's ever experienced is....ENTHUSIASM! Yes ladies, get into it! Worship the very penis you are pleasuring! Treat it as if you've been crawling through the most dry and desolate desert and your desperately parched.....so thirsty you could die....and he is a cool, crisp, clear glass of water! He's the double hot fudge sundae you've been craving since starting that diet!

Moan, groan, giggle, look up at him, tell him how much you're enjoying it, growl, purr and just go nuts! Be an actress if you must, go for that Oscar! But being aroused to your absolute brink is the best way to do it. When you're fully aroused, I'm sure you're an animal.....let that animal go! Your sheer excitement and enthusiasm will arouse him in a way you can't achieve physically...it's all psychological! And aren't our brains the most sexual of all of our organs?

Give it a try......you'll be happy you did! Good luck ladies!

Learning To Orgasm

A Sensual Guide For Women

Experiencing an orgasm should come easily and naturally. But for various reasons, many women have not yet experienced the pleasure of a clitoral climax, g-spot climax or both. This could be due to age and inexperience, being unable to relax, the lack of sexual self confidence or not being assertive enough in expressing their sexual needs and desires. Regardless as to the reasons why, a woman shouldn't allow this to go on one day longer! It's time to immerse yourself in the erotic world of orgasm.Here, I will guide you through each step you need to know your body, better communicate your sexual desires and experience the ultimate pleasure of orgasm.

Orgasms Do Your Body Good

Orgasms are much more than just your body's response to sexual stimulation. For centuries, physicians around the world have studied the effects of orgasm on our bodies and have concluded that not only do orgasms feel good, they are good for our bodies! During arousal and orgasm, our bodies release endorphins and other "feel good" chemicals. These chemicals are proven to reduce pain, ease stress and boost our immune system. In addition, the muscular contractions of an orgasm keep our pelvic muscles in tip top shape. Having strong pelvic muscles assists in supporting healthy pregnancies, reduces pelvic prolapse later in life and allows us to have even stronger orgasms more easily.

Clitoral Orgasm

The clitoral orgasm is considered the easiest to reach and generally the first type of orgasm a woman experiences. From the time we were children, we knew that touching ourselves "down there" felt good! But as adults, sometimes we feel too much pressure to experience an orgasm and therefore, unknowingly deny ourselves the pleasure.The clitoris is a flesh little nub that lies within our outer vaginal folds and at the top of our labia. When stimulated, the clitoris swells and gets firm, not unlike a man's penile tissue. The amount and type of stimulation required to achieve a clitoral orgasm varies from woman to woman. While some of us only require soft caresses, others need more direct pressure, firmer manipulation, pulling or tapping.

Experimenting with a lubricant and your finger, a vibrator or clitoral stimulator will help you to learn the type of stimulation you enjoy.As a clitoral orgasm builds, you'll feel a tingling sensation. That sensation will spread upward into the pelvis and downward, engulfing entire vaginal area. The sensation builds and builds until it releases into waves of warm, flowing pelvic contractions. However, not every orgasm will feel exactly the same. Some will seem to release softly while another will feel as if it's exploding out of your body. The strength and intensity of your orgasm will depend on many factors including your level of arousal, the type of stimulation you're using, your stress level and more.

G-Spot Orgasm

A recent popular women's magazine polled it's readers to learn just how many have achieved a g-spot climax. Not surprisingly, only a mere 30% reported that they had indeed experienced a g-spot orgasm. So if you have yet to find that elusive g-spot, know that you are not alone in your search.

The g-spot is a pea-sized area located just a few inches inside the vagina and on the front wall, above the pubic bone. When stimulated, this small area swells and fills with fluid in order to protect the delicate urinary tract that lies beneath. Once the g-spot begins to swell, the nerve endings become more sensitive and responsive to stimulation. Finding the g-spot is easier to do with a g-spot vibrator that has a specially designed, upward curved tip. When locating the g-spot with your partner, have them place a finger inside your vagina, with the palm of the hand upward. With the finger touching the front wall of the vagina, have your partner rub with a "come here" motion of the finger. Your partner will feel the smoothed surface become rough and bumpy as the g-spot swells. You will begin to feel as if you have to urinate. This is normal and exactly how it is supposed to feel. If it is bothersome to you, be sure and empty your bladder before you begin so that you're comfortable in knowing you don't have to use the restroom. Once you feel this tingling sensation, simply relax and allow it to happen. Soon the tingling sensation will warm and begin to take over your entire vagina and pelvic area. The sensations gradually build until suddenly your lower stomach and pelvic muscles quiver and then clamp down. You feel as if you're bearing down and pushing uncontrollably. Sometimes this is continuous and other times the muscles will loosen and then contract over and over again. In the meantime, a warm wave of sensations will resonate throughout your entire body, from head to toe.

The way a woman reacts to this overwhelmingly amazing sensation will vary. You may shake uncontrollably, scream out in utter delight, proclaim your love of a higher being or simply roll your eyes in ecstasy.During the throes of a g-spot climax, you may notice that you release fluid. Don't worry, you are not urinating. This is something known as female ejaculation. It doesn't happen to everyone, but some women do experience this rare phenomenon. While the fluid you release may contain only minute traces of urine, it is simply the fluid that had accumulated in the g-spot, the fluid that protects the urinary tract.

Relax And Fantasize

Now that you know what to expect when you have an orgasm, it's time to learn the steps that will allow you to achieve your orgasmic goals. Achieving an orgasm isn't just a physical journey, it's an emotional one as well. As women, it's takes a bit more that a southern breeze to get us aroused. We need relaxation, mood and a great deal of foreplay. Learning how to relax and get yourself in a sexy frame of mind is essential to having great sex and incredible orgasms. Sometimes we feel such overwhelming pressure to have an orgasm, that we end up robbing ourselves of the experience, therefore learning to relax is extremely important. Find what best relaxes you and use that to ready yourself for orgasm. Dim the lights and listen to music. Light candles and soak in a sensual bath . Now close your eyes and think about your partner or a sexy celebrity you'd love to bed. Go though each step of the steamy scenario in your mind. It's your imagination, so anything goes! Make love on a secluded beach. Tear the clothing off of that hot celebrity right there on the movie set! Imagine your every need being fulfilled by your partner while they wear nothing but a smile.If you aren't the imaginative type, simply lose yourself in a racey romance novel or watch an adventurous adult film . Once you learn how to relax and fantasize, you'll have mastered an important tool that will help lead you to having satisfying and fulfilling orgasms.

Mapping Erogenous Zones

Now that you have learned to relax and use fantasizing to spark your libido, take this opportunity to explore your body and find your erogenous zones. Caress your body, paying close attention to areas like hardened nipples, lower stomach, thighs, neck and collar bone. With your partner, use finger tips or a feather to seek out the spots that make your shiver or use a lotion that your partner can sensually lick off of your body. Experiment with light caresses, kisses, massaging and soft pinching to learn what responses your body gives you and what excites your senses most.Finding these sensitive areas of your body will help you create a map of erogenous zones that can be used to enhance masturbation, foreplay, sex and ultimately help you to reach orgasm more easily. Many times, as you linger on the brink of a climax, simply using these hot spots will send you over the edge.

Masturbation

There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. You will not become reliant upon masturbation or sex toys. You'll always crave the touch of another human being. Masturbation is simply a tool. In fact, masturbation can the key to an exciting and satisfying sex life. Masturbation allows you to learn your body and it's climactic threshold. No longer will your partner be in the drivers seat, determining whether or not you achieve orgasm. You will know your body. You will know what feels good, the speed, strength and intensity of touch you need and ultimately what will drive you to an intense orgasm. You'll have the confidence to gently guide your partner through foreplay and sex. You'll know what to do to prolong that insatiable feeling of being on the brink of climax. You will learn how to orgasm on your own with no pressure and no time frames. Masturbation will open up a new and exciting erotic world!

Relax and fantasize. Find a comfortable place where you can stretch out and a place where you will not be disturbed. Relax on your bed, on the couch or in the bath. Keep a lubricant nearby so you may experience different sensations as you pleasure yourself. Use your fingers to explore your vagina. Gently rub your clitoris and labia. Try using different pressures and patterns. Slide your fingers inside your vagina. You can also purchase a vibrator to massage your clitoris and slide inside of your vagina for more intense sensations. If you're in the shower or bath, use a detachable shower head to concentrate a stream of water on your clitoris or use a waterproof vibrator to stimulate yourself. You could also try a strap on vibrator to stimulate your clitoris and leave your hands free to caress your erogenous zones. Take your time, breathe slowly and imagine someone else touching your body. Pay close attention to what feels the best and concentrate on repeating that. Let the feelings wrap you up and engulf your entire body in pleasure.

It may take a while to achieve orgasm the first time, so relish the feelings and sensations coursing through your body. There is no pressure now, no one else to please but yourself. Once you know how to bring yourself to orgasm, you can experiment with different positions like sitting upright, straddling a chair or lying on your stomach with a pillow between your legs.If you'd like to achieve a g-spot orgasm, stimulate your g-spot with lubricated fingers. This is done more easily in a sitting and slightly reclined position. Or you can use a g-spot vibrator that will help you reach your g-spot in the comfortable position of your choice. There are also strap on g-spot stimulators available that will leave your hands free to caress your body and more easily being yourself to climax. Again, take your time and relax, there is no pressure and you can practice for a long as you'd like. Remember to focus on what feels good and keep going with that until you are in the throes of an incredible orgasm. Later, you may even want to try a high tech model vibrator that has features to bring you to both clitoral and g-spot orgasm simultaneously.

Once you have learned to bring yourself to a satisfying orgasm, practice prolonging those delicious moments as you linger on the brink. See how long you can last there and then learn what will send you over the edge immediately like a sudden change in pressure on your clitoris or a firm pinch of your nipples. Doing this will help you when having sex with a partner. Practice makes perfect and will only make sex and orgasms better for you in the long run.After you have learned to orgasm through masturbation, you will have the confidence of knowing that you can do it. You will also possess an important tool that you can now use during sex with a partner. You'll relax in the knowledge that you'll never have to "fake it" again, as long as you communicate your needs to your partner.

Communicating With Your Partner

You now know how incredible it feels to have an orgasm and it's time to share it with your partner. Your partner's personality will determine just how you should guide them and how receptive they will be. You can subtly guide your partner with soft moans and words of approval to let them know they are on the right track. Be vocal and tell them, "That feels good.", "I love it when you kiss me there." or tell them to go harder, softer or faster. Allow your body to do some of the talking by arching your back, spreading your legs further apart or moving into another position.

Guide your partner's hands to the spots that feel the best and tell them what you like. Remember to relax, take your time and let the orgasm come naturally. If you don't orgasm the first time, it's alright! You can always try again and again. Don't allow pressure to consume you and ruin the amazing feeling of having sex and how wonderful your partner's body feels. If you need to, use your newly found confidence and take matters into your own hands. While your partner kisses and caresses your body or plays with your breasts, slide your hand down and rub your clitoris. Many men find this sexual confidence extremely arousing and will pay close attention to what you are doing. This not only will allow you to have an orgasm, it will give show him exactly what he can do to you as well.

Most importantly, let your partner know when you are about to climax. Don't be shy! The last thing you want, at this point, is a lost orgasm. Tell your partner not to stop, tell them you are about to climax. Scream, yell, moan, toss your head! This will keep the momentum going as well as giving your partner confidence in knowing that they are bringing you to an orgasm.

Orgasm And Oral Sex, The Ultimate Kiss

Oral sex can be one of the fastest and easiest ways your partner can give you a clitoral orgasm. Communication during oral sex is very important as well. Relax and fantasize. Close your eyes and take in each sensation. Allow your partner to lick and suck your clitoris, but tell them if you need it softer, harder, faster or slower. Use your body to speak to your partner. Elevate your hips to guide your partner to the right spots and move in rhythm with their motions. Run your fingers through their hair or grab their arms and shoulders.

Your partner can also stimulate your g-spot at the same time with their fingers or even a finger tip vibrator. This will bring a clitoral orgasm on more quickly and may even give you both types of orgasm simultaneously. It will also prime your g-spot, making it more sensitive and ready for intercourse.

Mutual oral sex can also be an amazing addition to your sexual experience. Performing oral sex on your partner while they perform on you will allow you to concentrate on their pleasure and not stress about whether or not you're going to orgasm. This also eases anxieties when performing oral sex in general because you are being sexually aroused at the same time and not concentrating solely on what you are doing. This will also add to your enthusiasm and urgency which will be arousing to the both of you.

Orgasm And Intercourse

Many women have never had an orgasm during intercourse. It is possible, but it takes a great deal of practice and trail and error. Arousal is the most important factor when trying to achieve an orgasm during intercourse. Allow plenty of time for foreplay, concentrating on all of your erogenous zones. Use clitoral stimulation and g-spot stimulation before intercourse to bring yourself close to the brink of orgasm.

Positioning is the next important step. Since you have found your g-spot, you'll need to experiment with various positions until you find the ones that give you the greatest g-spot stimulation. Some positions that maximize g-spot stimulation are woman on top, woman on all fours with him entering from behind or woman on her back with legs and hips slightly elevated and him kneeling between your legs. Since every person is different in body build, you may need to reposition yourself or try a different position altogether. Have fun trying various positions yourselves or purchase a book of sexual positions and try a different page every night!

Remember to relax and just enjoy what you're doing. Worrying about whether or not you're going to climax will do nothing but ruin what might be amazing sex. With diligence and practice, soon you'll be in orgasmic Heaven each and every time you have sex!

Orgasm Stoppers

If, after trying the above measures, you're still having problems acheiving an orgasm, it may be time to see if there are any factors in your life that may be preventing it from happening.Stress is the most common reason for not being able to relax and acheive orgasm. Take measures to reduce the stress in your life. Take on a little less at work, take a vacation, or hire a babysitter to help with your children. Exercise, yoga and meditation can also be great stress relievers. If you are simply having trouble getting in the mood, try a lubricant with arousal enhancing properties or a libido cream.

Other factors that can effect orgasm are depression, menopause, illnesses and medications like birth control pills, anti-depressants, cold medicines and narcotics. These things can effect your ability to become aroused, your body's response to arousal and your ability to acheive orgasm. If you have continued difficulties in these areas, see you doctor. Having a rich and satisfying sex life is very important for your relationships as well as your own health and well being.

The Female Libido Q&A

Watching our female Shih Tzu recently, as she pranced around the house showing her "stuff" to her mate, I realized just how lucky we human beings are.

All of us, at one point in time or another, have felt as if we're "not getting enough" in the bedroom. The next time those feelings of sexual neglect creep up on you, just remember how lucky you are that you're not a dog.

Female dogs go into heat approximately twice per year....meaning they "present" (get aroused) for three days. That's six days TOTAL per year! It's no wonder so many male dogs break free of their fences, leashes and electric fences!

So, we're not dogs, thank goodness, but we are humans with feelings, emotions and bodies that don't always cooperate. Read on for some Q&A on the female libido.

Trying To Solve The Mystery Behind A Woman’s Ever-Changing Moods

The female libido is a mysterious entity...changing with the tides, it seems. I’m here to answer your questions and hopefully, help you solve some of the mystery behind a woman’s fluctuating moods.

Q: My partner is never in the mood! Does that mean she’s cheating on me?

A: Whoa! Don’t jump to conclusions you may later regret. Unless you have caught her red-handed, nude and in the arms of Ramone’ the gardener, you shouldn’t throw around accusations of this magnitude. There’s a good possibility she may simply need a change, more romance or may be under some stress. Read on for some more reasons why she may not be in the mood.

Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. Why isn’t she into sex as much as she used to be?

A: Sometimes we all get into the same old repetitive routine. That repetitive routine can rear it’s ugly head in the bedroom too. Try approaching your sexual routine a little differently. If you usually get into bed, caress her shoulders, undress and have intercourse then repeat every other day, you may want to try and change things a bit. Slip into bed naked, offer to give her a massage or simply slide your hand down and start stimulating her clitoris.

Changing scenery can add a spark to any lagging sex life. Try jumping into the shower or bath together, picking a dark, secluded spot in the yard for some naughty play or having sex in the living room or kitchen. Sometimes the urgency of doing it "here and now" can add some needed passion and fire to your relationship.

You may want to consider introducing a sex toy into the bedroom or trying out a lotion or lover’s kit that includes all sorts of yummy goodies to share. There are also games on the market to spice up anyone’s sex life and help you to break out of your mundane bedroom routine.

Never forget the most important element of your sex life....talking. Talking to your partner not only reveals problems that may exist, but it gives you the opportunity to learn more about your partner’s fantasies and desires. Don’t forget to listen carefully!

Q: It’s hard to get my wife in the mood sometimes. What can I do?

A: First, you must understand that men and woman are very different "animals" when it comes to sex. Men, on one hand, are visual and can be stimulated by the mere sight of his wife bending over to change the cat box. Women, on the other hand, take not only visual stimulation, but physical, intellectual and emotional stimulation. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but you have already landed her, so you’re obviously doing something right already.

Sometimes a woman can get bored by the same old routine (see above) and sometimes she may just need you to go the extra mile to woo her into submission. Make sure you let her know she’s beautiful, sexy and desirable all the time, not just when you want to have sex. That can be as easy as telling her the new shoes she bought make her legs look hotter than ever or simply stating that she looks incredibly beautiful that day.

Now bring some extra romance into the bedroom! Light candles, give her a sensuous massage or run a hot, steamy bath for her (who knows, she may ask you to join her). Setting the right environment with visuals that evoke sexy, romantic thoughts and fantasy may be just what she needs to get in the mood.

Take the time to engage in prolonged foreplay. It takes a woman much longer to become physically aroused and ready for intercourse. If necessary, make it a game for yourself and continue the foreplay until she begs to have you! Make sure to listen to her clues as well. A moan or a sigh means she’s enjoying what you’re doing. Total silence probably means she’s ready for you to move on and change activities.

Finally, remember that your partner may be under a lot of stress and tired. Stress is one of the biggest mood zappers known to man! Listen to her problems and let her vent, take the kids off her hands for a while or send her out for a girlfriend’s day at the spa. Removing the source of stress or easing it will help her relax and hopefully recapture some loving, sexy feelings.

Q: I want to be intimate with my partner, but my body won’t cooperate. What’s going on?

A: There could be a number of things going on here, but the good news is that you WANT to be intimate with your partner. Sometimes stress can lead to our minds not making the connection with our bodies. We’re tired, worn out and just can’t seem to concentrate on the task at hand.....sex.

Take the time out to get in the mood. Slip into a warm bath and fantasize or read a racy romance novel. This may be the perfect time to invest in some adult movies. There are many adult titles out there from unrated mainstream movies to fetishes and subjects for anyone’s tastes. While shopping for adult videos, invest in a sex toy with a clitoral stimulator. This will provide you with some much needed extra stimulation and orgasm itself is known to be a stress reliever and a boost for the libido.

You may also want to try adding a simple lubricant during foreplay and intercourse. Added lubrication can intensify sensation, making you much more sensitive to touch. You could also try one of the incredible libido creams on the market. These safe and powerful creams have added ingredients that increase blood flow to the vagina and clitoris therefore intensifying your response to touch and increasing intensity and frequency of orgasm.

Finally, if after trying the above measures you are still having difficulty getting physically aroused, see your doctor. There could be a number of medical reasons why your body isn’t responding to sexual stimulation as it should including depression, side effects from medications, diabetes, thyroid conditions, menopause and more.

Q: I think I’m beginning menopause. Will it effect my libido?

A: Menopause effects different woman in different ways. While some woman may be nearly incapacitated by hot flashes, mood swings and nausea, some may have only mild symptoms.
All menopause symptoms are a result of changing hormones. Sometimes a dip in testosterone can cause a change in libido. In this case, try one of the female libido enhancement products on the market. There are various supplements available as well as creams and lubricants with added amino acids the body needs to become sexually aroused and produce natural lubrication. Always check with your doctor before adding a supplement, especially if you’re currently taking other medications. You may also want to talk to your doctor about prescription hormone creams or hormone replacement therapy if your symptoms are severe.

This fluctuation in hormones may also cause vaginal dryness which can cause intercourse to be uncomfortable or even painful. Keeping a lubricant at your bedside will help a great deal if this problem arises.

Q: Since my wife got pregnant with our first child, she’s never in the mood for sex. What gives?

A: There are many things that could be going on here. First off, pregnancy makes a woman’s hormones go wild. Some women aren’t in the mood often while others are insatiable. This shift in hormones can cause a woman to be nauseous, extremely tired and moody. Be patient with your wife and talk to her. In talking to her, you may discover that she fears that sex may hurt the baby. Encourage her to talk to her doctor about sex and if and when it is safe. She may be surprised to learn that in most pregnancies, sex is not only OK, it’s encouraged!

You’re wife may also be dealing with self-esteem issues right now. Her body is changing, she’s gaining weight and she may not feel sexy and desirable. It’s your job to reassure her that she is still beautiful and sexy and that she turns you on.

Later in the pregnancy though, you may need to get creative with your sexual positions. Your wife’s growing tummy may get in the way. Try side positions with a pillow tucked between her knees or the doggy position with you behind her.

Pregnancy should be a magical time for a couple. So relax and enjoy. Relish the fact that there’s no need to worry about birth control. Enjoy her voluptuous breasts. And savor every moment you have while it’s just the two of you.

The G-Shot....Augmenting Your Orgasms

We all come in a beautiful variety of shapes, sizes and colors. This, in itself, makes our world exciting and vibrant. However, in this day and age, if there is something about your body you’d prefer to change, you can do so.

While viewing television, you may see hundreds of pieces of exercise equipment "guaranteed" to sculpt a new silhouette. Diet pills are plentiful, in addition to meal plans shipped directly to your door. You can also walk into any plastic surgeon’s office and select from a menu of different body fixes. You can shoot bacteria into your face to soften wrinkles and frown lines. You can have fat sucked out of your rear, tummy or thighs to make them sleek and slim or have collagen shot into your lips to make them plump and full. You can augment your breasts, as well as your butt cheeks, with implants.

Imagine my surprise when I was watching a cable television program and saw a renowned plastic surgeon offering G-spot augmentation! Obviously, this isn’t one of those aesthetic changes that the entire world will see, well, except for the huge smile on your face 24/7, if the procedure actually works.

The G-Shot was invented by gynecologist David Matlock, MD, MBA, FACOG and so far, is only offered at his facility in Los Angeles, California. The G-Shot (referred to as g-shot amplification or GSA) is a non-surgical, physician administered treatment that temporarily augments the G-spot in sexually active women. The G-Shot results in a G-spot that is the size of a quarter in width and about a 1/4 inch in height. The G-Shot procedure costs just under $2,000 and lasts up to four months.

During the procedure, the doctor will place you the examination stirrups, as if you were going to have a typical gynecological exam. He’ll leave the room with instructions for you to locate your G-spot. Upon returning, and with your verbal guidance, the doctor will then locate and measure the exact location of your G-Spot. He will then administer a shot of human engineered collagen into the area (after numbing the area) which takes approximately eight seconds. A tampon is then placed into the vagina, which can be removed after four hours. Normal sexual relations can be resumed after that time period.....if you would consider an augmented and more sensitive G-spot "normal".

In a pilot study of healthy, sexually active who were administered the G-Shot, 87% responded that they had enhanced sexual arousal and gratification. I have been unable to locate any other studies done past the one year point.

As with any medical procedure or medication administered, there are side effects, risks and guidelines that need to be followed. The G-Shot is not indicated for women with collagen vascular disease, autoimmune disease or women with allergies to collagen or lidocaine or with a history of severe allergic reactions, bleeding disorders, current anticoagulations, pelvic prolapse, neurogenic bladder, intersistal cystitis, acute cystitis, acute genitourinary infection, bladder outlet obstruction, undiagnosed urinary tract disfunction or inflamed, infected vaginal mucous membranes. The G-Shot is not for those with previous bladder neck surgery or those who have received radiation therapy. The G-Shot is not for women who are pregnant or those allergic to polymyxin B sulfate, bacitracin or gentamicin antibiotics.

The risks involved with having the G-Shot administered include:

Bleeding
Infections
Urinary retentions
Accelerated collagen re-absorption
No effect at all
Allergic reactions
Constant awareness of the G-Spot
A sensation of always being sexually aroused (Is that a bad thing?)
Constant vaginal wetness
Mental preoccupation of the G-Spot
Alteration of the function of the G-Spot
Sexual function alterations
Hematoma (collection of blood)
Collagen site ulceration
Urethral injury (tube you urinate through)
Urinary retentions
Hematuria (blood in urine)
UTI (Urinary Tract Infection)
Urinary Urgency (feel like you always have to urinate)
Urinary Frequency
Increased/worsening nocturia (waking up several times at night to urinate)
Change in urinary stream
Urethral vaginal fistula (hole between urethra and vagina)
Vesico-vaginal fistula (hole between bladder and vagina)
Dyspareunia (Painful intersourse)
Need for subsequent surgery
Alteration of vaginal sensations
Scar formation (vaginal)
Urethral stricture (abnormal narrowing of the urethra)
Local tissue infarction and necrosis
Yeast infections
Vaginal Discharges
Spotting between periods
Bladder Pains
Overactive Bladder (OAB)
Bladder Fullness
Exposed Material
Pelvic Pains
Pelvic Heaviness
Collagen injected into the bladder or urethra
Erosion
Fatigue
Damage to nearby organs including bladder, urethra and ureters
Alteration of bladder dynamics
Post-operative pain
Prolonged pain
Intractable pain
Alteration of the female sexual response cycle
Failed procedure
Varied results
Psychological alterations
Relationship problems
Sex life alteration
Decreased sexual function
Possible hospitalization for treatment of complications
Lidocaine toxicity
Anesthesia reaction
Embolism
Depression
Reactions to medications including anaphylaxis
Nerve damage
Permanent numbness
Slow healing
Swelling
Sexual dysfunction
Allergy to Collagen material
Collagen migration
Nodule formation

Keep in mind that the G-Shot will not enhance clitoral sensitivity and orgasms, nor will it have an effect on your emotional arousal process. The G-Shot is an expensive procedure that is only temporary, so be sure you have exhausted all avenues of G-spot stimulation before having a procedure like this done. Read about stimulating your G-Spot and try G-spot stimulators or feminine arousal and enhancement creams.

If you are an otherwise healthy, sexually active female and have problems reaching G-spot orgasm after trying the above mentioned methods, then you may want to consider the G-Shot after weighing the cost, benefits and risks involved. The G-Shot is available at the following institute:
David Matlock MD, MBA, FACOG
9201 Sunset Blvd. Suite 404
Los Angeles, California
90069
1-888-80-OBGYN
(310) 859-9052

(Today’s Sexy Mom is in no way affiliated with this physician and does not endorse this procedure. This article was published solely for informational purposes and I hold no responsibility for damages incurred in following through with this procedure.)

The Male G-Spot

Just when you thought women were the most sexually complicated creatures on earth, you learn that men have a g-spot too! Yes, it's true. Women aren't the only ones who have a choice of two delicious types of orgasms. Those men who aren't afraid to venture into a new sexual territory can experience heightened sexual pleasure like they've never felt before...the g-spot orgasm.

Where it is:
The male g-spot is the underside of the prostate gland. It is located at the top of the urethral tube, at the opening of the bladder. Due to it's location, the male g-spot is a little more difficult to reach than the female g-spot.

How To Stimulate The G-Spot:
You can easily stimulate the male g-spot directly, by reaching it through the rectum. This may be uncomfortable for some men, so you need to go slow and easy. Relaxation is the key, along with arousal. Indulge in plenty of foreplay before hand so that he's fully erect and ready to go.
The rectum does not produce it's own lubricant, so be sure and use ample amounts of sexual lubricant when trying to stimulate the g-spot. There are plenty of lubricants on the market that are specially made for anal play. They are formulated to be thicker and last longer than regular lubricants. Avoid anal lubricants that numb or desensitize the anal area as they can cause injury due to the fact that one cannot feel pain. Pain must be felt in order to avoid injury and know that he is relaxed enough to enjoy the experience. Once he is relaxed enough, he won't feel any pain or discomfort. The same rules apply to any woman who would like to experience anal play.

Using an index finger, massage and relax the sphincter muscle at the opening of the anus. The more you massage and stimulate, the more you'll feel the muscle relax. Slip a finger into the rectum and curl it upward. toward the testicles. Stimulate that area by gently stroking until he experiences a mind blowing climax.

You can also stimulate the male g-spot internally with specially designed sex toys for men, curved butt plugs or anal beads.

The male g-spot can also be stimulated indirectly, from the outside of the body. You can do this by using your finger tips or a small vibrator to press on the perinium, the area of flesh behind the testicles and in front of the anus. Since you are stimulating an internal spot from the outside, you'll want to apply more pressure and massage more deeply. Take it easy and listen to your partner's cues as to how hard and fast to stimulate. This type of stimulation feels especially good if done during an orgasm.

If you're at all concerned about cleanliness, have him shower beforehand. You can wear latex gloves if you wish, and cover sex toys with a condom (if it fits tightly). Ask your partner if he's had a bowel movement that day. If so, the likelihood of contamination is lower.

Be sure and wash your hands before and after, along with any sex toys used inside the rectum. Never use the same sex toys for anal and vaginal stimulation as that can cause vaginal and urinary tract infections.

Intensity:
When the male g-spot is massaged internally, the feeling is extremely intense and climax may come very quickly. The climax is deep and like nothing you've ever felt before! So take your time getting there, it will be well worth it.

Sexual Orientation Doesn't Matter!
We Americans have been brought up with strict standards of right and wrong, especially when it comes to sex. We've been bombarded with opinions that were formed centuries ago as to what is straight and what is gay.
All men have a prostate, therefore all men have a g-spot. It doesn't matter if you are straight, gay or bisexual. Prostate stimulation has been around as long as mankind and has been a perfected sexual art form in the Orient for centuries (they used knotted silk scarves).

Having your g-spot stimulated feels good. And if something feels good, why not try it? If a straight man has the desire to try g-spot stimulation, it doesn't mean he's gay. If a gay man doesn't like g-spot stimulation, it doesn't mean he's straight. This just happens to be one of those myths, like going blind from masturbating, that needs to be put to rest for good.

The Mysterious G-Spot

*Previously published on Club Mom by Edwina Caito

Over the centuries, the G-Spot has been one of the more controversial sexual subjects. Some scientists believe it exists while others try tirelessly to disprove it. The Grafenberg Spot, commonly referred to as the G-Spot, was discovered by German Gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg in 1944. He described his discovery as "an erogenous zone located in the anterior wall of the vagina." While scientists continue to try and discover the mechanics of this elusive and fascinating spot, we ladies know what’s most important. It feels good.

With most women, the G-Spot subject is more cut and dry. Either you’ve found it or you haven’t. Either you have experienced orgasm from this spot, or you haven’t. I read a study published in Cosmopolitan Magazine a couple of years ago that said, out of the women polled, only 30% had experienced a G-Spot orgasm .During my many years in the adult product industry, those statistics rang true with my customers. The remaining 70% wanted to learn all they could about this seemingly wonderful phenomenon.

WHAT IT IS: The G-Spot is a squishy area in the vagina about the size of a bean. When stimulated, the spot enlarges and hardens, much like the erectile tissue of the penis. The G-Spot area is made up of a bundle of nerve endings believed to enlarge and harden in order to protect the urethra and mouth of the bladder during intercourse.

HOW TO FIND IT: The G-Spot is located on the front wall of the vagina and only a few inches inside. It lies just above the pubic bone and below the belly button. Your partner can easily find the spot by pointing the index finger and motioning "come here" with palm turned upward. Finding the spot yourself may be a little more difficult and is usually easiest to locate from a squatting position. There are also vibrators and other adult toys on the market that have a curved tip and are specifically designed to help you reach and stimulate the G-Spot.

STIMULATION THE G-SPOT: In some women, the G-Spot is more dormant and will require a great deal more stimulation. In others, the spot will immediately respond. Stimulation can be done manually, with fingers or sex toys, or you can stimulate the G-Spot through intercourse. Positioning is the key in hitting the right area during intercourse. Since every person is different in body build and size, positions will vary, so you’ll have to experiment. However, many woman agree that being entered from behind is the easiest and most direct way of stimulating the G-Spot. Another good position is the female on her back, hips elevated and the male in a kneeling position between her legs. You may not get it on the first or even the fifth try, but I’m sure you’ll both have fun trying!

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE: Properly stimulated, the G-Spot gives you the sensation of having to urinate. To some women the sensation is bothersome and they just don’t like it. But recognizing that this sensation is a prelude to an incredible orgasm is important. Just relax and go with it. The sensation will evolve from "I have to pee" into warm, tingly waves of pleasure. If indeed the need to urinate doesn’t go away, either your partner is stimulating too far up into the vagina or you simply need to empty your bladder.

THE G-SPOT ORGASM: This type of orgasm feels very different from one resulting from clitoral stimulation. The G-Spot orgasm is deeper, more internal and will cause your entire abdominal region to tighten and spasm rhythmically. You may even feel an uncontrollable urge to bear down. From there, each person is unique in their experiences. You may scream in delight, curse, shake, quiver, recite the National Anthem or just sigh quietly. Female ejaculation is known to occur in a small percentage of women. So if you release fluid during a G-Spot orgasm, you haven’t lost control of your bladder. A fluid, similar in chemistry to male ejaculate, accumulates in the G-Spot area, another way to protect the urethra during intercourse. This fluid is expelled suddenly during orgasm. Again, this is rare, but does happen in some women.

Finding your G-Spot may not be on your top ten list of things to do, but it is certainly something that can add another realm of excitement and fulfillment to your sex life. Ready to go hunting?

The Wonderful World Of Lubricants

*Previously published on Club Mom by Edwina Caito


Although personal lubricants have been around for a very long time, they only recently havebeen brought out of the darkness of night stand drawer and into our living rooms through television and magazines.

Personal lubricants are essential when using condoms, cervical caps and diaphragms. Theproducts are also used to treat vaginal dryness attributed to menopause, breast feeding, use of medications like antidepressants, oral contraceptives and decongestants, as well as chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Personal lubricants can also be used to simply add a new dimension to your sex life. The use of lubrication on the genitals is proven to increase sensitivity, prolong intercourse and intensify orgasm.

Personal lubricants are marketed under various names and labels. They come in a variety of formulations designed for a number of uses. Some even have added ingredients for flavor or to create a warming affect. Here's the lowdown on lubrication varieties so you can make an informed choice.

Petroleum Based: Petroleum based lubricants are thicker and extremely long lasting. However, these types of lubricants break down latex and should not be used with condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms or adult toys. They can also stain fabrics and adhere to the vaginal walls which increases the risk of developing an infection.

Oil Based: Oil based lubricants are also long lasting but have the same detrimental effects on latex products, therefore should not be used with any contraceptive device. While these oil based products do not adhere to the vaginal walls, they do stain fabrics and are difficult to remove from the skin.

Water Based: Water based lubricants are more widely used and safer that oil or petroleum based products. They are recommended for use with condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms and latex adult toys. These types of lubricants require more frequent applications and can become sticky after drying. However, water based lubricants wash away easily and do not stain fabrics.

Silicone Based: Silicone based lubricants combine the thicker consistency of an oil based lubricant with the safety of a water based product. These lubricants are safe to use with condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms and adult toys. They are longer lasting and reactivate with a drop of water. Silicone based lubricants are ideal for use in water and do not stain fabrics.

Nonoxyl-9 Lubricants: These lubricants have the added ingredient of Nonoxyl-9 which is anantibacterial and spermicide. These products are recommended for use with condoms, cervical caps and diaphragms to aid in the device's effectiveness. Although safe, Nonoxyl-9 can be irritating to sensitive vaginal tissues and the urethra in some women.

When choosing a personal lubricant, keep your specific needs and uses in mind. Read labels carefully so you know for sure the type of lubricant you are purchasing. Some brands offer free samples of their products through their toll free telephone numbers or on their web sites. Try out different brands and types until you find the product that best suits your needs and remember to have fun while you do it!

The G-Spot Mystery Rises From The Ashes

I read an interesting article this morning on a Fox affiliate website. I was quite surprised and intrigued....the g-spot is back in the news.

After it's discovery back in 1950 by Dr. Ernest Grafenberg, few doubted it's existence although the g-spot didn't really start making news waves until the 1980's. Oddly enough, scientists and doctors are again doubting the existence of the female g-spot. Why? Because they cannot visually see it. Also, it's my guess that an overwhelming majority of these scientists and physicians are male (who have unsuccessfully tried to find the spot with a map and flashlight), the rest, in the small majority of females who either have never achieved g-spot ecstasy or never tried to find it in the first place.

Personally, I believe in a lot of things I cannot see visually. I believe in a God, Heaven and gremlins (which explains why my modem mysteriously went out this morning and miraculously came back with no assistance from a repairman whatsoever.)

I also believe in the g-spot! I know it exists! Have I seen it? Nope. Have I felt it? You better believe I have! To experience an earth-shattering, world rocking, eyes-rolled-back-in-the-head g-spot orgasm is to BELIEVE in the g-spot's existence. My husband even believes in the g-spot and has even taken special "g-spot discovery and stimulation" courses from your's truly. As a matter of fact, if a scientist were to approach him with the theory that the g-spot is purely fantasy, he'd laugh and say, "Ahhh, watch this!" and SHOW the scientist what he can do with one upturned finger. (Not that my g-spot orgasms are open for scientific evaluation)

There are entire lines of adult toys made specifically for stimulating the g-spot. There are plastic surgeons who administer the G-Shot, which enhances the g-spot, making it easier to find and stimulate. So if the g-spot doesn't exist, why are these items available? Why does the G-Shot work? And again, why is it that I have two distinctively different types of orgasms? I know my body and I know what I feel.

I think these doctors and scientists need to just shut up and realize that there are things about the body, the world and the universe that just aren't meant to be figured out. The female body certainly isn't a galaxy of stars with a powerful telescope trained on it 24/7, nor is the government throwing billions of dollars into the exploration of it's existence. They all need the g-spot "discovery and stimulation classes", a few toys in the nightstand and a glass or two of wine!

For more information the the female g-spot, go the the "Your Body" tab and read about the g-spot, how to find it, how to stimulate it and how a g-spot climax feels. No woman should be without that pleasure!

Have a sexy day!

Ms. E