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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Women 101.....A Guy's Cheat Sheet For Figuring Her Out

Women are pretty tough to figure out at times! What do they want? Why is she crying? Why is she yelling at me? Why doesn't she like the sweater I gave her? Why is she ignoring me....again?
Yes, women are pretty complex creatures, whether we admit it or not. However, if you follow a few simple pieces of advice, you'll make her happy more often. And when she's happy, your life will be a great deal easier!

Have you ever watched two women talk? Did you ever notice that while one is talking, the other is leaning over and completely captivated by what the other has to say? Women love men that are good listeners!

Never again hear her say, "You never listen to me!" Just follow these simple steps and she'll be talking to you and not at you:

Look at her when she's talking. Don't watch the game, even out of the corner of your eye! No laughing at beer commercials, the sitcom on television or when your dog breaks wind.

React to what she's telling you. When women talk, the listener always responds with words and phrases like, "You're kidding me!", "How terrible!" and "That's wonderful!" Simply replace those words and phrases with guy talk. Say things like, "Cool.", "Right on!", "That sucks (stinks, blows, bites)!", and "No way!" Nodding and shaking your head works too, as long as you are looking at her.
If she's got a problem, don't try and fix it, unless she specifically asks. Make sure you are really listening to her and not silently reciting the new Godsmack song in your head. Trust me, you'll probably be quizzed later.

Gift Giving:

There are two types of gift-giving situations: Obligatory and "just because."

Obligatory situations are birthdays, anniversary, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day (if applicable), the birth of your child and Christmas. These are situations where you must give her a gift or be subject to her angry wrath for a very long time...maybe even years! She will never forget!

"Just because" situations are optional gift-giving opportunities and include her getting a promotion at work, anniversary of your first date (sexual encounter, kiss, engagement, apartment etc) or any day for no reason whatsoever. Giving a gift "just because" is always a smart move, especially if you happen to remember the anniversary of your first date!

Buying The Gift.

Well, you know you need to purchase a gift, but what do you buy? Here are some easy tips on how and what to buy for her.

Never, ever give her an appliance or something practical! If she asks for a waffle iron or a new mouse pad, it's okay to give it to her, but always add a personal gift too.

Jewelry is always a great idea, but be careful to choose something she'll actually wear! You can do this by paying attention to what jewelry she wears to work, on the weekends and when you go out. Yes, there is a difference. If you just can't figure it out, ask her mom, sister or best friend to help.

Clothing is a great gift, but one of the hardest things for a guy to get right. You have to know her size, the color that brings out the brown flecks in her eyes and just the right style. Check out her closet for color ideas. For sizes, don't check her closet....women have fat sizes, skinny sizes, comfy sizes and more. Instead, check the dirty clothes hamper for sizes of her jeans, blouses, slacks, sweater and tops. You really don't want to know how she'll react if you get something that's too big! Finally, go shopping with her. I know, all you can picture right now is you, standing outside the ladies fitting room, clutching a pink purse to your chest. But suck it up and go one afternoon. Listen watch and pay attention to what she oooooooh's and aaaaaah's about. Then go right back and get the item in her size. If you wait, it may be moved to another area of the store or snatched up by another shopper. Again, you can ask her mom, sister or best friend for help.

Things to avoid include accessories like shoes, belts and purses. Women are very picky in these areas!

Flowers are good. Flowers are better when delivered to her at work, in front of other women. When ordering flowers, always order an arrangement that includes a keepsake like a plush animal or pretty vase.

Books, music and DVDs are fantastic gifts, but again, you have to pay close attention to what she already has and what she wants. If she has a favorite band, author or actor, go to the appropriate store and ask the salesperson if something new is coming out. If there is something new, preorder it. Look at her collection and see if she has a cassette of a band you can upgrade to a CD or a VHS tape of a movie you can upgrade to a DVD. You can always give a gift card, but give it along with a personal gift or romantic greeting card. The same goes for other misc.

Things like collectibles, craft items and hobby supplies. Give a gift card along with a small, personal gift like a plush animal, picture frame or journal.

A photograph of you may sound corny, but if she doesn't already have a picture of you, trust me, she wants one. Go to an inexpensive photo studio, dress nice and have your portrait taken. If you have kids, you'll make her dileriously happy if you take the kids with you! Buy a frame for one of the bigger photos and give her one for her wallet. Give the leftover pictures to your mom, grandma and dear aunt Sue.

Candy and women have a love/hate relationship. Women love candy. Women hate the fact that candy makes their butt get big. When giving candy, skip the enormous, frilly heart and give a small tin of gourmet chocolates instead.

Giving lingerie is tricky. You must know her taste like you know your beer! If you don't know this, don't give lingerie as a gift.....ever. If you do know her taste and style well, make sure you go to a lingerie shop like Victoria's Secret. They'll have sales girls to help you. Make sure you go prepared with her sizes (check the dirty clothes hamper).

Just as I said before, don't give something practical unless you add something personal. But there are some gifts to steer clear of, always...........

Gym memberships ("Do you think I'm fat?!") Exercise equipment or workout clothing ("You do think I'm fat!") Anti aging creams, lotions, washes, bath items etc. ("Fine! I guess I'm not young enough for you anymore!") Big clothing like sweat pants, sweat shirts, jackets etc. ("Oh, I see! You don't want anyone looking at me, do you?!") Cook books, cooking lessons or gift certificates for those "assmeble-a-meal" places. (So, you don't like my cooking?!") This list may vary from woman to woman. Being a good listener and paying attention to her likes, dislikes, wants and needs is very important.

Romance......

Can you say that word without gagging? Very good! Like it or not, women love romance! But believe it or not, it's not all about trips to Paris, expensive gifts and men with huge muscles and hair blowing in the breeze. For women, it's all about thoughtfulness. Yep, simply by putting thought into things you do and say, you'll make her happy!

Here are 20 easy to use tips for being more romantic:

1) Be a gentleman. Open her car door, hold a door open open for her, hold her hand and place your hand on the small of her back and allow her to go first.

2) Use candles during dinner, in the bedroom, in the bathroom.

3) Turn off the television and put on some music. Ask her to slow dance.

4) Remember the "just because" gift dates.

5) Leave her a note that says, "I love you"...for no reason.

6) Take the kids off her hands, let her sleep in or give her a day out. Be the taxi for the day.

7) Do housework.....the right way! (Remember, doing housework the wrong way will only backfire).

8) Run a bath for her (with candles) and warm her towel or robe in the dryer. Who knows, she might invite you to join her.

9) Listen to her when she talks. Look at her when she talks. (Yes, even if it's during football....sorry!)

10) Compliment her. If she looks hot in that red top, tell her! ( Don't just say it because you think she wants or needs to hear it....trust me, we know the difference.)

11) Show your soft side. Watch a chick flick with her, hold a puppy at the pet shop, look through pictures with her.

12) Rub her feet, back, shoulders, arms etc without being asked and without expecting sex in return.

13) Dinner in bed. Breakfast in bed. Dessert in bed (real food).

14) Walk up and hug her for no reason. Take that opportunity to smell her hair.

15) Show interest in something she likes. "What's that book about?" "Wow, scrapbooking looks hard."

16) Compliment her for being a great mom, neighbor, secretary, salesperson etc. Tell her your proud of her.

17) Do something with her that she likes. Take her dancing, have a picnic or go shopping with her.

18) Touch her face and look into her eyes next time you kiss her.

19) Never leave the house without a kiss and saying, "I love you."

20) Never take it for granted that she'll always be there!

Always remember that each and every woman is different. You may need to adjust things to fit her personality. Knowing her better is all you need to do to make her happy. You can do this by simply listening to her and paying attention to her.

Yes, it's that easy!

4 comments:

Mama said...

i love #7! it must be done the right way!

I have tagged you on my blog - check it out here - http://mylittlelifeajw.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-have-been-tagged.html

Melissa said...

I think Chris MUST have read this! Either that or he is just a natural!

elizabeth p said...

I love the romantic tips! They should apply to both parties though. I am queenesperfect at yahoo.com

Ms. E said...

Elizabeth....I agree, but we ladies are smart enough to be able to figure out his sizes, annivaerareies to celebrate etc. But I do have an article for the ladies! http://todayssexymom.blogspot.com/2009/01/recession-proof-romance-for-gals.html