The Female Libido Q&A

Watching our female Shih Tzu recently, as she pranced around the house showing her "stuff" to her mate, I realized just how lucky we human beings are.

All of us, at one point in time or another, have felt as if we're "not getting enough" in the bedroom. The next time those feelings of sexual neglect creep up on you, just remember how lucky you are that you're not a dog.

Female dogs go into heat approximately twice per year....meaning they "present" (get aroused) for three days. That's six days TOTAL per year! It's no wonder so many male dogs break free of their fences, leashes and electric fences!

So, we're not dogs, thank goodness, but we are humans with feelings, emotions and bodies that don't always cooperate. Read on for some Q&A on the female libido.

Trying To Solve The Mystery Behind A Woman’s Ever-Changing Moods

The female libido is a mysterious entity...changing with the tides, it seems. I’m here to answer your questions and hopefully, help you solve some of the mystery behind a woman’s fluctuating moods.

Q: My partner is never in the mood! Does that mean she’s cheating on me?

A: Whoa! Don’t jump to conclusions you may later regret. Unless you have caught her red-handed, nude and in the arms of Ramone’ the gardener, you shouldn’t throw around accusations of this magnitude. There’s a good possibility she may simply need a change, more romance or may be under some stress. Read on for some more reasons why she may not be in the mood.

Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. Why isn’t she into sex as much as she used to be?

A: Sometimes we all get into the same old repetitive routine. That repetitive routine can rear it’s ugly head in the bedroom too. Try approaching your sexual routine a little differently. If you usually get into bed, caress her shoulders, undress and have intercourse then repeat every other day, you may want to try and change things a bit. Slip into bed naked, offer to give her a massage or simply slide your hand down and start stimulating her clitoris.

Changing scenery can add a spark to any lagging sex life. Try jumping into the shower or bath together, picking a dark, secluded spot in the yard for some naughty play or having sex in the living room or kitchen. Sometimes the urgency of doing it "here and now" can add some needed passion and fire to your relationship.

You may want to consider introducing a sex toy into the bedroom or trying out a lotion or lover’s kit that includes all sorts of yummy goodies to share. There are also games on the market to spice up anyone’s sex life and help you to break out of your mundane bedroom routine.

Never forget the most important element of your sex life....talking. Talking to your partner not only reveals problems that may exist, but it gives you the opportunity to learn more about your partner’s fantasies and desires. Don’t forget to listen carefully!

Q: It’s hard to get my wife in the mood sometimes. What can I do?

A: First, you must understand that men and woman are very different "animals" when it comes to sex. Men, on one hand, are visual and can be stimulated by the mere sight of his wife bending over to change the cat box. Women, on the other hand, take not only visual stimulation, but physical, intellectual and emotional stimulation. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but you have already landed her, so you’re obviously doing something right already.

Sometimes a woman can get bored by the same old routine (see above) and sometimes she may just need you to go the extra mile to woo her into submission. Make sure you let her know she’s beautiful, sexy and desirable all the time, not just when you want to have sex. That can be as easy as telling her the new shoes she bought make her legs look hotter than ever or simply stating that she looks incredibly beautiful that day.

Now bring some extra romance into the bedroom! Light candles, give her a sensuous massage or run a hot, steamy bath for her (who knows, she may ask you to join her). Setting the right environment with visuals that evoke sexy, romantic thoughts and fantasy may be just what she needs to get in the mood.

Take the time to engage in prolonged foreplay. It takes a woman much longer to become physically aroused and ready for intercourse. If necessary, make it a game for yourself and continue the foreplay until she begs to have you! Make sure to listen to her clues as well. A moan or a sigh means she’s enjoying what you’re doing. Total silence probably means she’s ready for you to move on and change activities.

Finally, remember that your partner may be under a lot of stress and tired. Stress is one of the biggest mood zappers known to man! Listen to her problems and let her vent, take the kids off her hands for a while or send her out for a girlfriend’s day at the spa. Removing the source of stress or easing it will help her relax and hopefully recapture some loving, sexy feelings.

Q: I want to be intimate with my partner, but my body won’t cooperate. What’s going on?

A: There could be a number of things going on here, but the good news is that you WANT to be intimate with your partner. Sometimes stress can lead to our minds not making the connection with our bodies. We’re tired, worn out and just can’t seem to concentrate on the task at hand.....sex.

Take the time out to get in the mood. Slip into a warm bath and fantasize or read a racy romance novel. This may be the perfect time to invest in some adult movies. There are many adult titles out there from unrated mainstream movies to fetishes and subjects for anyone’s tastes. While shopping for adult videos, invest in a sex toy with a clitoral stimulator. This will provide you with some much needed extra stimulation and orgasm itself is known to be a stress reliever and a boost for the libido.

You may also want to try adding a simple lubricant during foreplay and intercourse. Added lubrication can intensify sensation, making you much more sensitive to touch. You could also try one of the incredible libido creams on the market. These safe and powerful creams have added ingredients that increase blood flow to the vagina and clitoris therefore intensifying your response to touch and increasing intensity and frequency of orgasm.

Finally, if after trying the above measures you are still having difficulty getting physically aroused, see your doctor. There could be a number of medical reasons why your body isn’t responding to sexual stimulation as it should including depression, side effects from medications, diabetes, thyroid conditions, menopause and more.

Q: I think I’m beginning menopause. Will it effect my libido?

A: Menopause effects different woman in different ways. While some woman may be nearly incapacitated by hot flashes, mood swings and nausea, some may have only mild symptoms.
All menopause symptoms are a result of changing hormones. Sometimes a dip in testosterone can cause a change in libido. In this case, try one of the female libido enhancement products on the market. There are various supplements available as well as creams and lubricants with added amino acids the body needs to become sexually aroused and produce natural lubrication. Always check with your doctor before adding a supplement, especially if you’re currently taking other medications. You may also want to talk to your doctor about prescription hormone creams or hormone replacement therapy if your symptoms are severe.

This fluctuation in hormones may also cause vaginal dryness which can cause intercourse to be uncomfortable or even painful. Keeping a lubricant at your bedside will help a great deal if this problem arises.

Q: Since my wife got pregnant with our first child, she’s never in the mood for sex. What gives?

A: There are many things that could be going on here. First off, pregnancy makes a woman’s hormones go wild. Some women aren’t in the mood often while others are insatiable. This shift in hormones can cause a woman to be nauseous, extremely tired and moody. Be patient with your wife and talk to her. In talking to her, you may discover that she fears that sex may hurt the baby. Encourage her to talk to her doctor about sex and if and when it is safe. She may be surprised to learn that in most pregnancies, sex is not only OK, it’s encouraged!

You’re wife may also be dealing with self-esteem issues right now. Her body is changing, she’s gaining weight and she may not feel sexy and desirable. It’s your job to reassure her that she is still beautiful and sexy and that she turns you on.

Later in the pregnancy though, you may need to get creative with your sexual positions. Your wife’s growing tummy may get in the way. Try side positions with a pillow tucked between her knees or the doggy position with you behind her.

Pregnancy should be a magical time for a couple. So relax and enjoy. Relish the fact that there’s no need to worry about birth control. Enjoy her voluptuous breasts. And savor every moment you have while it’s just the two of you.